And i feel like it so much to ask for someone to be intimately personal with. something i haven’t had in forever. just laying in bed and talking and cuddling. it’s to the point where if i had it, i wouldn’t know what to do. because i am so hidden behind these walls that i have build to hide from everyone else. so here i am all emotional suddenly. I don’t know how to be romantic with boys. I just know what would get them going and into bed. It was effective to distance myself at the time. and now i don’t know anything but.